Storytime…
A few weeks ago, a close friend stayed over for a night in my apartment. Despite our consumption of wine and late arrival home the previous evening, we both found ourselves wide awake by 8 AM. Being morning people can be both a blessing and a curse.
Sprawled on the couch in my newly spacious living room, we cupped mugs of black coffee and continued the “life-catch-up” we had begun the night before. Some time went by, the pinot-noir-haze began to pass, and we both got hungry. I offered my friend the usual suspects: oatmeal [obviously], toast, cereal, eggs, yogurt. She thought for a moment and finally said, “Why don’t you make me some of that famous oatmeal of yours?”
So out came the pot and the banana, the soy milk and the cinnamon, the raisins and the walnuts, the flax and the almond butter. I stirred over a flame as I do nearly every morning, and I spooned the never-photogenic blend into two bowls.
We sat down at the new kitchen table, ate, chatted, refilled our coffee mugs. Eventually, I scraped the final remnants from my bowl. My friend’s was still half-full, and she finally said, “I don’t know how you finish all that – I’m stuffed.”
——–
Comments like these used to really get to me. I would think I needed to change – if other people weren’t doing it, why should I? In retrospect, I should have thought, “Why should I care about the needs of anyone other than myself?”
One of the many, many reasons I don’t believe in diets is because they provide blanket solutions to preferences and problems that are incredibly individualized. It isn’t a bad thing to read advice or to experiment – but the issues arise when we start holding ourselves to everyone’s standards but our own.
Here are a few things I know about myself:
- I eat really large breakfasts. I pack a lot into one bowl of oats: milk, fresh and dried fruit, nuts and seeds, assorted other random additions. All the things the diets tell you to watch out for because you can’t “see” all the calories – I cram them all in. When I don’t, I’m hungry an hour later. I’ve been eating breakfasts this size for a long time, I’ve stayed the same size, and I’ve stayed satiated. I don’t know if this works for others, but it works for me.
- 90% of the time, I would much rather be outside, walking through the city, than cooped up in a gym in order to be active. When I need sweaty solitude, I have my yoga mat.
- I don’t crave “junk food.” When I was little, I used to give away all of my Halloween candy except the Hershey’s bars. With the coming of adulthood, I’ve upgraded to higher quality chocolate, but the fact remains: I am not deprived from lack of gummy bears, potato chips, and Snicker’s bars. Some people are intensely irritated by this, but it’s the truth.
- I try to view exercise is a completely separate entity from the food I eat. I don’t want to exercise to burn off calories; I want to do it to feel strong and healthy. I know I’m not in the majority with this outlook, but that’s ok.
I am sure of my stance on these statements. But there are so many other nuances of health, and I am still in the process of navigating my way through them. I’m still discovering what works for me.
I know my friend wasn’t judging me with her comment; we’ve both come a long way in our relationships with and respect for our bodies. She was simply staying true to her own needs, as was I.
I try to encourage everyone in my life to be open, to be adventurous, to explore. Try going for a run and see how it feels. Try a banana and see how it tastes. Try eating more for lunch one day and less the next. Try eating dessert. Try something, anything new, and let yourself be the one to decide if you like it.
What are some of your health preferences?
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thank you so much for this post. i need to start thinking more about me and what meets my needs.
happy tuesday!
xoxo
I’ve had that reaction almost any time I’ve made oatmeal for a friend. It used to get to me too – but I’m the same as you – I eat large breakfasts. It’s actually the time of day when I’m most hungry. My meals throughout the day after are generally smaller.
i respect you so much. those comments get to me too but i realize i know what i need! and i hope to one day have your attitude towards fitness- im sure many people want that!
I love this post. I am still finding out what works for me, but people are often amazed at my “complicated” breakfasts or the amount of produce I go through. It’s not easy to stay 100% focused on my own needs but I have found reading blogs has opened my eyes a lot to this particular issue- I have tried a lot of the things I see other bloggers doing, and some of it just does not work for me. It’s helped to push me into figuring out what DOES work for me instead of pigeon-holing myself.
I’ll eat your snickers and you can eat my dark chocolate anyday
Comments like those also usually get me down. My friends seem to always eat less then my huge bowls of oats but then again I know what it takes to run my body. And I’m the one that has to suffer the headaches and shakes if I decide to eat less. I guess its hard to not compare ourselfs to other’s standards but I guess thats apart of maturity..being able to stay true to yourself no matter what. Lovely post!
By the way, I emailed you and sent you out something!
Maggie
This is such an interesting topic. I feel exactly the same, as often when I stay with friends, I have a large breakfast and my friends have maybe a piece of toast. It works for me. Being exposed to blogs allowed me to try different things and see what works best. Kudos to you for realizing what you need!
I love your musings- we can learn a lot from seemingly little things! yes, we definitely should all do what we have to or want to regardless of what might be best for others. We are individual and need to respect that, not want to be like others or constantly compare ourselves.
It’s such a nice feeling a tummy full of oats in the morning
xxx
I also love big breakfasts and dessert after dinner! I feel like a meal isn’t complete without a little something somethin!
Ahhhhhh, SO glad you brought this up! Over winter break, I made my oats with banana, pumpkin, almond milk, and almond butter, and that made for some serious volume (and just a good amount of food, period). One morning my dad made a comment–not in a judgmental way, just pointing out the fact–about how big my breakfast was. I eat a similar combination pretty much every day, and it WORKS for me. My dad is a guy who can eat a day’s worth of food at one meal and then not eat for a day after that. That just doesn’t work for me. And, I find that when I eat similar sized meals throughout the day (and seriously, most people eat really small breakfasts. A single granola bar? A banana? Good enough for some, not for me), I just feel more level all day long, and I don’t feel the need to eat a ton at any one meal (these same people that eat little breakfasts often seem to eat pretty huge dinners, too, so in terms of net intake it definitely evens out). I also find that I sleep better when I eat a big breakfast, because my dinner doesn’t have to be so big that I’m still digesting it when I go to sleep.
In terms of exercise, I’m pretty consistent with a mix of yoga and cardio, 5-6 days a week, so if it does have any effect on my appetite, I haven’t really had the chance to notice.
This is a seriously great post. Thank you
Beautiful post. your outlook is marvelous.
I also indulge with breakfasts– it’s my favorite/best meal of the day.
Stay warm, lovely lady!
bec xo
Really enjoyed your Valentine’s post! I decided it’s a day to celebrate those we love in our life
This is a great post. Such a smart mindset, and it can be so hard to “do our own thing” when we get around others. But confidence is a wonderful and healthy thing.
ugh…i HATE it when people make those comments…really?
I have to make myself eat so so much every single day…and hearing those comments make me second guess it all…drives me crazy…
your oats sound fantastic by the way.
HEY! I just came across you’re blog, and so far I’m loving what I see =)
I especially appreciate/agree with this: “I try to view exercise is a completely separate entity from the food I eat. I don’t want to exercise to burn off calories; I want to do it to feel strong and healthy. I know I’m not in the majority with this outlook, but that’s ok.”
I’ve recently decided that I want/need to have that outlook on exercise as well. Not only did it lead me to thinking I could or should eat more (regardless of my hunger levels) it just was too confusing and time-consuming to try to connect the two and “do the math,” so to speak.
I strongly agree that diet and fitness are two things that one must follow their own lead on, not what someone else or society pressures them to follow.
The times in my life where my weight has been in a comfortable, healthy range were the times in my life when I truly listened to my body and ate intuitively. The same goes for exercise, I enjoy exercise immensely for all of its varied benefits (staying in shape, getting stronger, the endorphin rush), but I no longer cringe if I skip a run or workout. I just figure that if I’m feeling burnt out while doing something that’s supposed to invigorate me, that it’s probably a sign my body needs to rest.
i hear you and can’t tell you how much i appreciate this blog post. i am always the girl out-eating EVERYONE. like, everyone. and i never used to be comfortable with this (thus never ate as much as i craved in front of others). but now? i don’t give a damn. honestly. i state outright that i have an awesome appetite and i’m proud of it. but to me i do link exercise and food because i need more food as a result of my active lifestyle – it’s just simple science. at the end of the day, i feel confident in my choices, and you should too. i am glad it seems you do!
my health preference? i pack it in at dinner time. i hate hate hate going to bed even slightly hungry.
I completely understand what you mean. I used to get “mad” about how others ate, or how they compared my choices with their own, because I felt judged or bad. But then I realized, I don’t care! And I’m glad you feel the same.
<3
The exact same thing has happened to me! I’ll make my mom some oats and she’ll eat 1/3. Friends think it’s weird that I eat a lot in the AM too, but it’s what works for me. Nothing worse than being hungry for lunch at 9:30.
The intern that I share a desk with just… doesn’t eat at all, and while I felt a bit judged by her at first for eating real meals, I got over it pretty quick. To each their own. I can sit around and get irritated by her diet of gum, cigarettes, and diet Coke, or I can get over it and move on with my life because what she eats has no impact on me. That being said, I am a bit concerned for her health (she seems PRIME for an eating disorder, that is if she doesn’t have one already)… something I’m considering turning into a blog post. When IS it appropriate to comment on other people’s eating habits (if at all?)
What an amazing post this is! I feel the same way when I get comments like that. Or when people look at me funny for needing to eat lunch at a certain time or when I need a snack, even though I did have lunch a few hours prior. The thing is, I know what I need, and that is awesome! Thank you for being so mature about it and for knowing yourself so well!
hmmmm… interesting post & I like what you addressed. I can get anxious eating with other people because I feel like I have to “match” them, i.e. in pace or if they eat less than me I can’t eat more. I really prefer eating alone.
beautiful writing, as always, & i’m glad you had such an enjoyable time with your friend! <3
I can never skip breakfast, or else a raging beast will be released on the world. MISS YOU!
Wow, i wish I had that additude towards fitness!
I try not to eat out alot,
I always eat breakfast, and *try* to exercise here and there.
xox Vera
Great post. That’s amazing that a comment like that doesn’t bother you… amazing in a good way. I wish I could say the same but comments like that DO tend to bother me. I hate it when I eat more than someone else. I can’t stand it. And I know it’s my ed talking and I should tell it to go where the sun doesn’t shine but it’s hard sometimes.
Love your blog