I have a tough time keeping my head in the present.
Currently, as an intern, I don’t have much idea of what my professional life will look like past this spring. I know that now it’s going as perfectly as I had hoped. I know that I am learning, observing, and accomplishing each and every day. But I also know that it is short term.
Still, I find that I am always looking ahead: dreaming up possibilities for the months to come, making plans for the weekend or the summer, basically, contemplating every inch of the future. I’ve done this for years. I remember imagining my life at the film school I hoped to attend [I got in; then I transferred out] when I was still five years away from collegiate age. I envisioned my life as a student abroad before I had ever left the country. I pictured myself as a New York working professional while I was still a European assistant.
It’s a bit paradoxical, because I’ve never really known what I actually want my future to be. I don’t mind the unknown; I’ve learned over the years to embrace it. But that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about the future anyway.
“sweet potato hash” topped with poached eggs; side of roasted brussels.
These thoughts all began on my yoga mat [shocker]; I was in the midst of a podcast I return to quite often, and it occurred to me that the next sequence would allow me a short respite in triangle pose. I love triangle pose. Something about that stretch feels designed exactly for my body, and it seems to uncannily arrive precisely when I need a few moments to catch my breath. I always settle into it with such a sense of calm; I always lift out of it with such a sense of strength. Remembering that it was only a minute or so away, the edges of my lips curved just a bit upward. I was looking forward to it.
I used to experience this sentiment back when I ran as well. I trained myself to start at my slowest, so each run always felt like a journey, building and changing over the course of the miles [though I'm sure I idealize this now - there were bad runs too]. Usually, though, a moment would occur sometime toward the end of the first mile: my momentum would grow, a rhythm would set in, and the freedom of running in fresh air would lay before me. One foot in front of the other: I would look forward to it.
tonight, i’m looking forward to making this dinner again. i mean, just look at that runny yolk.
I am realizing there is a difference between mulling a future largely out of my control and simply contemplating the little things I can choose to do each day. It’s the thought of those small intentions that compose each day: awaiting the arrival of an online purchase, rereading a classic novel and knowing a beloved sentence will come in the next chapter, chopping ingredients in preparation of a dinnertime craving, smiling into a favorite yoga pose.
The future will likely always be a question mark. But I’m grateful for those tiny moments of anticipation – they let my mind wander to the future without ever straying too far from the present. It’s nice to look forward – as long as it’s not too far.
What little moments do you look forward to in your daily life?
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What a beautiful, beautiful post. I find myself in the same position lately, unsure of what the future holds but planning and thinking and imagining…
I look forward to working up a sweat at the gym, have my cup of coffee, seeing my mom as she comes home from work and hearing about her day. Sometimes I get so caught up in looking forward that I forget to embrace the present!
people say everything happens for a reason, and I am sure you heart will lead you in the right direction. your brussel sprouts are giving my cravings i LOVE them roasted
dude, i hear you. as much anxiety as i do have about the present/ five years from now, i find solace in simple things and moments with people during which i am relaxed and carefree. when i’m with my friends/ people i care about, it’s easier to do so, and those moments are what i look forward to.
Another post to add to my favorites.
So very true, thank you for your beautiful perspective as always. And if you ever wanted one, here’s a hint about your future: it’s going to be an amazing one. You’d be surprised how often great things happen to great people :)
Love the post. Love the sweet potato hash and brussels sprouts! Whenever I make either of these vegetables, I can only let myself make a single serving, since if I make more I end up eating it all and having a massive fiber-belly. Roasted vegetables = heaven.
This is such a great way to look at life. I often get so distracted by wondering where I am going, that I get stressed and forget to focus on the things I can count on to make me content daily. Things like breakfast, daily devotionals, and blogging.